Epic Fail

I've been thinking for a while about the need to address a very important topic (how's THAT for a generic opening line for a blog post?) because honestly, I think the church has a massive failing that we're constantly turning a blind eye to.  And I mean MASSIVE.  It's crazy to me how some of the foundational aspects of the teachings of Christ can be ignored completely by people who claim to love and follow him.  And I truly believe it's hurting our churches so much that I think in some ways it's one of the largest impediments we have that prevents us from reaching our potential in reaching others for Christ.

We utterly and completely seem to fail most of the time in dealing with others we have a problem with.

That being said I do understand to an extent.  TRULY following Christ is a very difficult undertaking.  Completely surrendering your will to someone else is a complete change in how we naturally think and handle situations.  So I don't want to make it seem like it should be easy for people to do the right thing.  Paul himself bemoaned the difficulty in dealing with the internal conflict when he wrote: "We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin.  I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.  And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good.  As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me.  For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.  For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.  For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing.  Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.  So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me.  For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me" (Romans 7:14-23)  Though that passage is something of a mouthful to read aloud (seriously, I read it for Jr. High Youth Group a few weeks back and it was easy for my tongue to trip over itself in the process.  Love the duality of the passage, not the phonetics) I think it does a great job expressing the inherent difficulty we face in wanting to do what we know is right versus actually doing it.  I share this passage because I don't want to be seen as completely insensitive to the difficulty that truly following Christ's teachings represent.  And when it comes to interpersonal interactions especially we find it difficult to follow through with what we should.

And how should we handle issues with other people?  Well I personally am of the opinion that the Bible is pretty clear on that one.  Jesus himself says, "'If your brother or sister sins against you, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’  If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector." (Matthew 18:15-17).  Just a few particulars I'd like to point out:

1. Jesus lays out a clear 3 step process
2. The process starts personal and slowly becomes more public in nature
3. It needs to be noted that the primary goal is NOT proving yourself superior, it's not about taking the other person down, it is NOT about pride.  It's about honest and genuine reconciliation with a brother or sister.

Now despite the fact that Jesus clearly states that the first thing we should do is actually go to the person, step 1 of the process is the step most people skip.  Conflict is inevitable when dealing with people.  And in a sinful world it's impossible to go through life without someone sinning against you in some way (or let's be honest, US sinning against THEM is going to happen too!).  How we handle those moments I believe define us as people.  I'll be the first to admit I'm not perfect in this (or anything else) and I've failed in dealing with conflict before in the past.  But I think that our goal in all things should be to strive for perfection.  We follow the only perfect man to ever live and our goal should be to constantly seek to become more like him right?

And yet we have a culture of complaints.

The norm seems to be if we have a problem we'll tell EVERYBODY but the person we have a problem with.  I'm sure I'm not the only person to experience this.  We've all been guilty of it at some point.  But here's the thing, we should never be content with our failings.  We very much have the power and opportunity to rise above our sinful nature and live in a way that glorifies God!  Paul writes, "What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death?  Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!" (Romans 7:24-25).  Christ delivers us from the very nature that drags us down!  And we certainly do drag ourselves and those around us down when we circumvent God's intended methodology for handling those that sin against us!  In this era; however, anonymity is valued over reconciliation.  We certainly want to make sure it's known that someone has sinned, but we don't want to be the one to talk to them about it.  And that's IF our issue even stems from someone actually sinning.  Oftentimes it's just something that just rubs us the wrong way.

I'll admit that this is a personal issue for me. As a minister I struggle with getting complaints second-hand.  I'll hear reports that someone is angry with me for something and yet they won't approach me.  I'll be frank, it was receiving an anonymous complaint that sparked me writing this blog.  I struggle with how to maturely respond sometimes.  On the one hand I want to respond in a positive way and continue to learn and grow and if there's an area where I can improve I constantly hope to be addressing those areas and learn from even the most asinine complaints (and frankly I do receive asinine complaints.  Some of the things people kick dust up over aren't worth the time it takes to listen to/read).  But I struggle sometimes because if someone doesn't even have the decency to do what Christ teaches and come and talk to me there's an immature part of me that wants to just ignore the whole thing.  I feel they don't have the right to be heard if they won't handle their concerns in a mature way.

And let me make this clear, I fully believe that not going to someone you have a problem with is completely outside God's intended process and therefore is sinful. (I mean complaining about someone to others but not being willing to go to that person, posting status updates that rip apart someone but thinking it's okay because you don't mention their name, notes/letters complaining about someone without signing your name, etc) 

That may sound harsh but consider this:

• If you truly believe in your concern so much that you have to talk about it, why wouldn't you be willing to go to the person in question?
• Jesus says that if a brother or sister sins against you to go to them, so what reasoning is good enough to justify not doing something that Christ HIMSELF has commanded?
• If someone has an unaddressed sin aren't you allowing that sin to continue through your inaction?  Therefore allowing that person to continue to stumble?
• Which is more important?  Your relationship with a brother or sister and knowing that you've followed the commands of the God you follow; or your own personal comfort in not having to have tough discussions?

I fear the culture our churches have developed in some ways.  Our inability to handle our conflict with others is getting in the way of our mission: sharing the gospel.  When people interact with a church for the first time if they find it to be full of people who choose to be immature instead of dealing honestly and openly with those we're in conflict with it leaves a sour taste in their mouth.  Part of this is because it looks EXACTLY like the rest of the world.  And you know what?  It is.  It's another way that we've failed to differentiate ourselves from the very world we proclaim to be different than.  We're called to live differently, to shine in such a way so that others "may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven" (Matthew 5:16b).

.... and when we refuse to go to others to reconcile our issues... how well do you think we're shining then?


-Jolson
Colossians 3:12-14