(seriously I was 7 at the time, so that would have been in 1991? So... considering ADHD drugs haven't been around and in use for a very long time medically speaking I'm curious what the odds are that they find long-term usage causes damage/issues/psychosis... and guess who'll be THAT test subject that tips them off? :-P I love blazing trails...)
So I find it ironic that I'm not really a great blogger because honestly writing is one of the few times where I feel like my thoughts honestly flow in a linear fashion. I kept a Xanga in college (gotta love the tech age where a website that's only been obsolete like 4 years makes you feel like you're dating yourself) and I remember feeling like it really helped me think things through sometimes to type them out. So considering there's a blog on the church's webpage that I'm supposed to be updating, I figured I'd give this another honest try. At the moment I'm not going to make myself have a set update schedule. Though that's coming. For now it's a way to express my thoughts and random bouts of clarity in a structured setting. This is my personal blog but at the same time it will be linked on the church's page too. Believe it or not I don't like just to do random things (go figure right? I mean, this is only a couple of paragraphs but I already have had like 4 ADHD attacks? Btw that's what I'm officially gonna refer to these sections in parentheses as. They will be prevalent and numerous in nature. I figure it gives you guys insight into how my brain works. ...be afraid) so I like to have purpose when I set out on new venture.
And purpose is what drives me. If I don't have a purpose or a reason to do something I generally struggle to do it. That may sound like a 'no duh' comment but seriously motivation can be an issue with me sometimes. And 'making money' isn't a good enough purpose. I worked at Wal-Mart through college and it was a HUGE struggle getting there on time some days because I just felt like I was helping greedy people be greedy (seriously try working at Wal-Mart during the Christmas season. I did. I worked in General Merchandise during Christmas of 2005; Toys during Christmas of 2006; and Electronics during Christmas of 2007. Those are the three biggest gift shopping sections. It was.... bad. I'll stick with the word 'bad') and finding motivation just to GO to work was tough. In my defense once I was there I was hard-working and very helpful, especially compared to some of the people I worked with, so I wasn't LAZY, I just struggled to actually bring myself to DRIVE there. Because I felt like I lacked purpose there.
So why start a blog? Do I have sufficient purpose to really drive me to keep up with this as regular as I should? I believe I do. But I'd be lying if I said I was gung-ho 100% sure about this. But I DO have 2 purposes behind this, and they are:
- Give myself an outlet for expressing thoughts, feelings, and topics of study in a linear and clearer fashion than what I feel my brain normally affords me
- Give others; including the members of the church I work for and the teens in my youth group; a better understanding of who I am and what I'm about. Honesty and openness are also very important to me and if I'm going to minister along-side people and to people I feel they should be allowed an accurate understanding of who I am. My goal with that is to hopefully build trust with others. Because I believe without trust and strong relationships ministry is hindered.
-Jolson
Colossians 3:12-14
